12/24/2010
And as promised, THE FINALE!!!!
EJ screams and cowers in absolute horror as Satan reveals his face. But, ah there is a surprise here. This face belongs to a female! As Satan removes “her” hood, it is revealed to be none other than Samantha Brady. With glowing red eyes….She/He/Satan looks and sounds just like Sami, to EJ’s utter dismay.
EJ: You cannot be serious! YOU are Satan?
Satan: (laughs deeply) Really, are you that stupid, EJ? I only look like Samantha because that is who you fear the most. You could not even face seeing her from afar with the Spirit of Christmas Present.
EJ: Yeah, and I am bummed I still didn’t get a present.
Satan: Didn’t she explain that to you? You ARE a dense one, aren’t you, Elvis John? I’ve met some pretty stubborn characters throughout my time. But you, boy. You are one tough cookie to crumble.
EJ: What does it matter to you? Don’t you want all the bad boys and girls to join you in the fiery pit beyond?
Satan: I could care less, Elvis. I just enjoyed having a front row seat to all the mayhem and destruction you have caused throughout your pathetic life.
EJ: You’ve watched me all these years?
Satan: Oh, yes indeed. Kinda like Santa Claus. I know who’s been naughty. (Satan leans in closer to EJ, still on the ground too dumbfounded to move..and whispers maniacally in his ear) you have been a very naughty boy!
EJ: I am not all that…
Satan: Oh, please! Rape, torture, betrayal, liar, murderer, baby kidnapping, child tug of war, then you top it off by stealing money from a very sick child! I must say, Elvis. I am impressed. You are the epitome of EVIL.
EJ: Well, I um…thanks…I guess?
Satan: (laughing) You are welcome! Welcome! Anytime you’d like to join me, I’ll keep a special seat quite warm for you!
EJ: Oh, well…I uh…
Satan: At a loss for words, EJ? That’s a first for a quick silver tongued devil like yourself.
EJ: Uh…Are you supposed to take me anywhere, or show me things? Because I really don’t want to…
Satan: Ah…forget about that, Elvis. I just wanted revel in my victory. I KNEW you wouldn’t turn over a new leaf. You will be vicious and miserable for the rest of your days. And, when the time comes and the ol’ Reaper comes to collect you, I’ll be waiting.
EJ: Quite alright, chap. I don’t think…
Satan: Oh yes. YES YOU WILL!!! (Evil laughter, red/black smoke surrounds Satan/Sami as the laughing continues. She disappears with a BOOM, and EJ is left in the middle of the alley on his hind end…dumbfounded over this latest reveal.)
Was he on the Highway to Hell? Maybe Running with the Devil? Perhaps… But at this point in his life, could he just become MR. NICE GUY overnight? Probably not. The odds are not in his favor…Still, it’s up to EJ…
Shawn Brady: Well, boyo, I thought you’d be a goner for sure. Did you run into any trouble?
EJ: What does it matter? I am doomed. There’s no hope for me.
Shawn: Hmph. What would you expect out of a pig but a grunt? You are such a fool, Elvis Dimera. Do you really WANT to keep on being miserable? I just don’t understand it. Truly, I don’t. There’s an old Irish saying - May you be 40 years in heaven before the Devil knows your dead. Now, the ol Devil is a crafty one. You didn’t make him any deals, or anything like that?
EJ: Well, no. Of course not. But he’s got me. There’s just no use. None at all.
Shawn: You just might as well die right here on the spot then boyo! (Shawn swoops down with a huge scythe, aiming for EJ’s throat)
EJ: What tha????!!! (Suddenly, a blinding light flashes, whooshing, wind blowing, smoke billowing, chimes chiming, church bells ringing, angels singing… Then. Nothing.)
EJ’s Bedroom
EJ is in his bed, sweat pouring off of him as if he’s been sitting in a sauna all night. His heart is beating rapidly in his chest, and he can hardly catch his breath.
EJ: What a terrible nightmare that was! (he looks about the room) It was a dream…nightmare. Was it not?
Just then, Chris timidly knocks at the door.
Chris: Sir, Master, Sir…Um. Shoot. I was instructed to give this to you after midnight. Soon as it was Christmas day. And here it is, few minutes past. I am a little late. So sorry, Sir. I mean master.
EJ: No. Quite all right, Chris. Just let me see what it is.
(EJ takes the box, opens it up and it is a single piece of paper. It reads – “I AM WAITING FOR YOU, EJ!” and as he reads it, the paper catches fire.)
Chris: Heavens to betsy, Mr. Dimera, that was…weird. Strange…
EJ: You have no idea, Chris. And You. You have worked for me for years now. Stop calling me Mr. Dimera.
Chris: Sorry, master.
EJ: And forget the master hooey as well. Call me EJ. This morning is the first day of the rest of my life. And I am no longer going to trash it, nor the lives of those around me… Fetch me my coat will you?
Chris: But, sir…I mean EJ…It’s freezing out there. And it is just after midnight! Plus you are still wearing your Scooby Doo PJ’s!
EJ: Yes, yes…So I am. But I have things to do! People to see! There’s a lot of right I need to make wrong. Oops. Scratch that….reverse it.
Chris: Whatever you say. Shall I call the driver for you…get the car out front?
EJ: Yes. I have to get the owner of Barron’s on the line. It’s time I finished my Christmas shopping.
Chris ( jaw drops, and nearly stumbles across the floor)
But you haven’t bought Christmas in years…
EJ: And that is going to change! First thing I am going to do when the lad wakes up is contact Chad. I have to get the check…um the donation…
Chris: (clears his throat) The one intended for Philip Kiriakis’ ill child?
EJ: You knew about that?
Chris: Oh please, I know a lot about what goes on around here. (covers his mouth) Oops.
EJ: Never mind that now. I am going to change all that has been going on in this dark and gloomy place. Once and for all! This town needs an enema!
Chris: Ugh. Sounds nasty.
EJ: Oh come on, haven’t you seen Batman? With Michael Keaton…Jack Nicholson?
Chris: Afraid not sir.
EJ: E J . My name is EJ.
Chris: Sorry. So what are you going to do? And, um if I may be so bold as to ask…what happened to you?
EJ: Well, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. So I’ll just say this. I don’t like extreme heat, and I am going to all that I can to avoid it. And, I just need to stop being such a toad.
Chris: You can say that again.
EJ: All of it, or just the toad part?
Chris: Just the toad part.
EJ: And, I just need to stop being such a toad.
SALEM SPECTATOR GANG: AMEN!!!!!!!
And, so folks, our little EJ has decided to turn over a new leaf! Praise be! Miracles DO happen. And yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus! Now, friends, this may NOT be the complete end. Maybe someday, we will return to 2015 EJ and see about his…progress. But for now, I wish you all a wonderful Christmas, and a safe, prosperous NEW YEAR!
THE END.
