If Life in Salem Made Any Sense

The scars from Trippy's injuries would resemble a map of the Los Angeles freeway system.

Evan would be rotting in Rafe's jail, unable to afford an attorney.

Lani would be suspended from the Salem P.D. pending an investigation into the shooting death of TR Coates.

Sweet Bits would have gone out of business because its owners have stopped coming to work.

Ben and Ciara would be fretting about eventually getting Baby Bo into the "right" preschool.

John would admit that he was an utter failure at battling Satan.

Hope would be abjectly apologizing to Ciara for not being in Salem when Baby Bo was born.

Father Louis would be contacting St. Luke's insurance company about getting the money needed to make repairs to the church.

Salemites would be thankful that Sami hasn't been heard from for a while.

Bishop Wright would be suggesting to Father Eric that he needs a refresher course in performing successful exorcisms.
 
Clyde would have made up some clever excuse why Nancy shouldn't wear her new jewelry in public.

Other inmates would have long ago kicked the snot out of obnoxious Evan Frears.

Ben and Ciara's friends and family would be begging them not to take their new baby on an ocean voyage.

Kate would have carefully explained to her angst-ridden son why he never could have committed murder.

Jan Spears would have been hauled back to Bayview where she can't pig out on chiliburgers.

A smart lawyer would be raising the temporary insanity defense in Lani's case.

Granny Hope would have rushed back to Salem to see her new grandchild.

Abe's political opponents would be having a fine time criticizing him for marrying a shady real estate developer who had been accused of murder.

Roman would be sternly warning the dazed and confused Eric to stay away from Nicole now that she's a married woman.
 
Evan would have tossed Jan Spears back into the harbor and run off with Baby Folded Blanket.

After her confrontation with Xander, a shaken Jada would have gone home to hide under the bed.

A freed Gwen would have fled back to Britain before her many misdeeds caught up with her.

Chad or Thomas would have long ago discovered Rolf's lab in the Salem tunnels, leading to its demolition.

Father Shin would have told his foolish son to have nothing to do with trampy, opportunistic Gabi.

The former Father Eric would have gotten a real job instead of hanging around the Pub dreaming about Nicole.

Steve and John would be trying to discover crimes Orpheus committed that weren't covered by his bizarre pardon.

Sweet Bits would have long ago gone out of business.

After some consideration, Ciara and Ben would have decided that ocean voyages aboard the latest version of the Fancy Face would be expensive, boring, hard work, and potentially dangerous.
 
After Abigail found Clyde in the DiMansion, she would have greeted him politely, engaged in chit-chat, escorted him to the front door, and then called the police.

People would have firmly told junior busybodies Allie and Chanel to mind their own business and go back to baking donuts.

After being in prison, Gwen never would have gone anywhere near the Salem police headquarters.

After Sonny's statements about Leo not being his assailant, Rafe would have let the grifter go and concentrated on other suspects.

With Sonny down and out, Victor would have given the CEO position to Maggie's favorite and a man who had proved he could handle it, Xander, not the childish womanizer, Alex.

When Alex walks around Salem, people would stop him and say: "Are you Ben Weston?" "How are Ciara and the baby?" or "Are you back already from your sea cruise."

After Kristen's initial absurd performance at the custody hearing, the judge would have immediately ruled for Brady.

Nicole would have realized that Eric's romantic misadventures with Jada were irrelevant to her.

Stephanie would have realized that fronting for the absurd Paulina campaign could ruin her professional reputation.

Somebody would have told foolish Paulina that giving away 10,000 cookies in Salem was not the road to statewide electoral success.
 
Sloan would be arrested, convicted, and disbarred in a Salem second.

Bella magazine would remain on the trash heap of history.

Maggie would have seriously pressured Victor to give her beloved son-in-law a good job at Titan.

Stephanie would have dumped an ice-cold beer in horndog Alex's lap.

EJ, Li, and Marlena would have arranged for the Kritter to spend some time (lots of time) in Bayview.

Ben and Ciara would have realized that as novice sailors, they had no business trying to sail the seven seas.

Alex's non-stop philandering would have caused him to get a "social disease."

Political amateur Paulina would have withdrawn from the governor's race.

Ava would have decided that staying in Salem looking for revenge against EJ was a waste of time and that she belonged back at the comfy Vitali compound.

Orpheus would be begging Melinda for some deal that will allow him to escape the life sentence that he richly deserves.
 
who is the audience for Bella Magazine??? Putting 40+ year olds on the cover.... that age group is too busy with kids, work to read a magazine... older they don't care what young people are doing and younger folks don't read magazines with their parents' on the magazine.....

Or did I doze through the important part of the Bella Magazine reboot??
 
You didn't doze through anything. The last time it was really mentioned was back when Ciara and Claire were competing to be the new face of Bella. Then there was a brief mention of Victor giving the magazine rights to Jeannie T, but then he appeared to take them back.
 
Xander would have given up on Ava’s half-baked kidnapping plan and freed his captives.

Some K-mansion employee would have heard Bonnie’s screeches and saved the captives.

Ava would have rejected out of hand Charlie’s suggestion that she kill Susan. After all, she’s a lot of things, but not a cold-blooded killer.

Sarah would have immediately seen through Xander’s tale about working for “Rednax.”

Security would never have let ex-CEO Gabi into the DiMera building.

Rafe would have seen the Nicole-Eric situation coming a mile away.

Wendy and Little Johnny would still be stuck in Jakarta traffic.
 
Ava would have been sent to Bayview a lot sooner.

Mr. Bones would be joining Mr. Clown in Bonnie’s overactive imagination.

Xander would have rejected his “Rednax” nonsense and filed for unemployment.

Jack would have given Leo’s column a try.

Stephanie would taken up with Alex sooner, realizing that he was a big improvement over her old heartthrob, Jeremy Horton.

Father Louis would have realized that allowing Susan’s memorial service to take place at St. Luke’s was too risky.

Wendy would have decided that going to Jakarta was a waste of time and money.

Chloe would have had second thoughts about a romance with a zombie.

The Kritter would have seen through John’s efforts to be understanding.
 
Wei Shin would have smelled a rat when EJ made a fool of himself.

Somebody would have grabbed Alex’s glasses and stepped on them.

Trask would have limited charges against Brady and Eric to kidnapping.

Maggie would have hired Xander on the spot.

Xander would be giving thanks that he’s free of nasty, judgmental Sarah.

Gwen would be choosier about her bedmates.

The courts would already have tossed out Sloan’s suit against Chanel and Paulina.

Brady would stop exposing Chloe to bratty Rachel’s verbal abuse.
 
I read something that sounds so bizarre....Back...when Beyond Salem first appeared on Peacock and did well, there was a Beyond 2.......and the writers were wanting Peacock to approve a Beyond 3, but 2 had not yet been seen by the viewers, so it was a waiting game for the writers, to see what Peacock would do. Well, turned out, Peacock decided to absorb the whole regular show, no more Beyond, and thus, whatever was planned stayed on hold. But the writers came up with the 3 ladies dead...or not...story, to fill the time until decision about beyond 3.......and so now, it is all thrown together in the regular show,....which mght explain why we get confused and some things just don't make sense. Sorta like taking your various leftovers out of the fridge, throwing them all together in one pot, stirring and hoping it will ultimately taste good.
 
People at the Salem Inn would be asking questions about the sketchy guy with the British accent who never leaves his room.

Paulina would have hired high-powered lawyers to argue that the bakery was wrongly shut down.

Her double life would have caused Talia to have a nervous breakdown.

Xander would be asking Maggie advice on how to sort out domestic chores with Chloe.

Sloan would have filed slander suits against those who have publicly blamed her for the biscuits affair.

Abe would have asked noisy Paulina to dial it down before he suffers hearing damage.

Nicole would see that concealing pregnancies in Salem just makes thing worse.

Rafe would have told Melinda to stay out of his police station and to quit harassing his cops.
 
Maggie would have sensed why Xander didn’t leap at her job offer and offered Chloe a good job too,

EJ would have arranged for another paternity test to make sure he’s the father of Nicole’s baby.

Dimitri would be in jail and Megan would be in Bayview.

Leo would be taking classes in the martial arts so he can protect himself from thugs like Dimitri.

Harris would be standing in line at the Salem unemployment office.

Sloan would be so busy working on Colin’s defense that she wouldn’t have time to think about having Eric’s baby.

Jada would have checked Talia into Bayview.
 
Ava would have already called Cousin Angelo to ask him to eliminate Clyde.

EJ would be turning in Stefan-0 for shooting Harris.

Steve would have pitched Konstantin out of his office the first time he showed up to squawk and moan about his deceased daughter.

Loudmouth Sarah would by now have convinced her mother that Konstantin is a lowlife grifter.

Rafe would have decided that rumors of Xander’s involvement in shooting Harris were a crude frame-up.

Paulina would be fine after the removal of the nodule in her thyroid.

Eric would be seriously wondering what he sees in boozy, bad mother Sloan.

People would so bored by the Everett-Bobby question that they’d tell angry Jada to shut up when she starts to fume about it.

Lucas would be thinking that life as a monk easily beats life with Sami.

Not wanting to end up like Joe Bernardi, Officer Goldman would have refused to get involved with Clyde.

Alex would have decided by now that he could do a lot better than problem-plagued Gwennie T.
 
Connie would be in a padded cell in Bayview.

The undertaker would have checked the inside of Abigail’s casket before burying it. A must in Salem.

Rafe would have watched his back. Another absolute must in Salem.

Bobby/Everett would have been more careful about what he drank. Another Salem necessity.

Dimitri would never have abandoned Leo.

Xander’s mother would have tried to make a better impression.

Maggie would have kept a closer eye on boozy Brady. After all, his sobriety has been one of her long-running projects.

The Tot would have sat tight in his cozy Horton cabin love nest. (The raccoons like him.)

EJ would have kept a closer eye on his enemies. Wouldn’t this have been Stefano’s most important lessons?

Steve would have grabbed John by the scruff of the neck and dragged him onto a flight to Salem.

The citizens of Poplar Bluff would have warned ReRon not to defame their fine city.

Kate and Abe (aka Mr. Paulina) would have realized that reviving “Body & Soul” was a fool’s errand.
 
Connie would not have not even been able to get a job at the Salem animal shelter.

Brady would have sobered up and easily resisted Fiona’s physical charms,

No sane woman would have become obsessed with the likes of Bobby/Everett.

The company that made cardboard Li would have reported this to the cops because he was a recent murder victim.

Alex would have accepted Xander’s job offer — It’s better than unemployment.

Out of consideration for her son, Fiona would have been on her best behavior.

Mr. Shin would have laughed at the idea of making Kristen, a career criminal, CEO of DiMera.

Abe would have told Paulina that instead of wasting his time on Body & Soul, he wanted his mayor’s job back.

John would have been able to take care of himself in Greece instead of falling victim to Clyde.

The schemes of Gwennie T would have provided Leo with plenty of material for his column.

Nicole would have decided that trying to live in an expensive city like Paris on Eric’s paultry salary was a bad idea.
 
Sarah would have regained her ability to walk without a Rolf serum.

Tater Tot would find a calmer, more reasonable girlfriend than Holly.

People would remember that Ava caused the death of old Dad Brady.

People would discuss Shaggy Phil’s hair, not Stephanie’s.

Rafe would still be police commissioner.

Mayor Price would be ousted as mayor the same way EJ was.

Hit and run driver Fiona would be doing time.

Clyde would be in a federal supermax prison where he couldn’t make threatening phone calls.

People would have laughed at Cat’s claims to be Abigail.

Kritter would be in a padded cell, not running DiMera Enterprises.
 
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