Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 29

DrBakerFan

DrBakerFan

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Brits react to the news that Sloan and Colin have turned up in Salem.

Brit No. 1: Prof. Peterson was a total perv — always hitting on women students. His message was sleep with me and you’ll get an A.

Reply from Brit No. 2: And his wife was so clueless. She actually thought he was a saintly scholar.

Reply from Brit. No. 3: The daughter was no bargain. What a mouth. Thank goodness she moved to the USA.

Reply from Brit. No 4: The son was the worst, he started by pinching crisps at the grocery and then shoplifted his way through Harrods. He’d steal the Crown Jewels if he had the chance.

Reply from Brit. No. 1: Speaking of the Crown Jewels, I’m going home to watch reports on the telly about King Charles III.

Reply from Alex: King who???

Reply from Maggie: OMG, reformed or not, Alex is far too ignorant to lead Titan.
 
DrBakerFan said:
I’m going home to watch reports on the telly about King Charles III.
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Reply from Sami: Wait, is this Charles one of my kids? Yes, of course, Charles, Lucy, Linus, Sally, Marcie, Patty, Franklin, Snoopy and Woodstock. So my son is becoming king of something? Way to go, Charles! Mommy is so proud of you! You're way better than old Granny Hope's stoopid son who shot his own back-from-the-dead dad.
 
Reply from Will: Mom, King Charles can’t be your son! He’s over 70 years old!

Reply from Sami: No way. I remember photos from when he was made Prince of Wales. He looks very young in them. If you’re thinking old, you must have Prince Philip in mind. He might even be as elderly as old Granny Hope or that ancient hag, Kate.

Reply from Will: Mom, the Prince of Wales ceremony was decades ago. And Prince Philip is dead.

Reply from Sami: You’ve got your royal facts all mixed up. I’m going to arrange for you to go to California to get a royals tutorial from your other brother, Prince Harry.

Reply from Will: [Sigh].
 
Facebook post from Will to Sami: Hey ma!! Sonny checked the mail and I've been invited to the Coronation of King Charles as a reporter. Seems my new country was once part of the British Empire or something like that.

Reply from Sami: Oh silly boy, Salem is connected to many places but it's not a British Colony.
 
Second reply from Sami: I watched the coronation and didn’t see you in the first row at the church or on the balcony afterwards. What gives? And what new country are you talking about?

Reply from Will: Mom, the press doesn’t sit in the front row or stand on the balcony. And my new home is New Zealand.

Reply from Sami: No front row? No balcony? How could you see anything? Sounds like a chintzy invite to me. And who’s kidding who? New Zealand isn’t a country. It’s just one of those places on a Risk game board.

Reply from Will: New Zealand is so a real country. It’s the home of the kiwi bird.

Reply from Sami: OMG, the kiwi isn’t a bird — it’s a brand of shoe polish. Harold always used it on EJ’s shoes.

Reply from Will: [Sigh].
 
Further reply from Sami: I re-watched the coronation and was so proud to see my son William with his wife Kate, and my grandkids, George, Charlotte and Louis on TV.

Reply from Will: Mom that's not your son, I am.

Reply from Sami: Yeah, that's what I said, my son William. Why do you act like I'm so stoopid that I don't know who my kids are??

Reply from Will: But I'm not a prince. And I'm married to Sonny.

Reply from Sami: C'mon now, sometimes you can be a self-absorbed twit, but you'll always be my little prince. By the way, Sonny is married to Cher.

Reply from Will: [sigh] Why do I even bother???
 
Further reply from Will: By the way, Mom, Cher isn't married to Sonny. He was killed in a skiing accident years ago.

Reply from Sami: OMG, Sonny was killed? How sad for you. How tragic for Justin and Adrienne. Why didn't anyone tell me? I could have sent condolences and flowers.

Reply from Will: No Mom, my Sonny is fine. It's Sonny the musician who died. And Adrienne has also died. Justin is now married to Bonnie Lockhart.

Reply from Sami: Adrienne died? Whatever. As for Sonny, if he's still around, he's the same self-important little twerp who's never been good enough for you.

Reply from Will: Why do I try?
 
Reply from Sami: Don’t get short with me young man. I’m your mother whose job it is to teach you certain immutable truths.

Sonny has never been good enough for you.
Eric is the Bad Twin.
Nicole is a trashy babyswitcher.
John Black is a life ruiner.
Kate is an old hag and Hope is an old granny.
EJ did change until he lost his mind and dumped me.
Mom should go back to Roman.
I have lots and lots of children, such as Xander, Marcia, Huey, Dewey, and Louie.
Trying to sell Baby Belle was the right move.
Carrie and Austin are both idiots.
Harris Michaels is a boring moron, which means he’s perfect for Granny Hope.

Reply from Will: Whatever you say, Mom.
 
Facebook post from Sami: My spidey-senses are tingling. The stoopid bad twin has done something wrong, I just know it. [sniff sniff] There's also a new baby hatching in Salem. I shall have it and raise it since I am, and forever shall be, Salem's greatest mother.

Reply from Eric: Quit calling me the stoopid bad twin. And what makes you think I've done something wrong, because I totally haven't. So don't even think that I slept with Nicole or anything, because I soooo didn't.

Reply from Sami: Liar, liar, pants on fire.
 
Reply from Eric: How dare you call me a liar. I’m a former priest and God-fearing Catholic who religiously follows the Ten Commandments.

Reply from Sami: How can that be? Did the Church abolish the Sixth Commandment?

Reply from Eric: You’re a fine one to mention the Commandments? Is there even one that you haven’t broken?

Reply from Sami: That’s big talk from a fornicating ex-priest. My son, Xander, was right on target when he called you the Fallen Father Eric.

Reply from Eric: Watch what you say about me. My girlfriend, Sloan, just might sue you for slander.

Reply from Sami::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
 
Facebook post from Johnny: Hey, we have a new DiMera cousin, Dimitri Von Leuschner.

Reply from Theo: Who the heck does he belong to? Von Leuschner? Is he related to Carly, Frankie, Nicholas and Melanie?

Reply from Sydney: Big whoop. Bet he's a stoopid loser and a doodyhead like mom's bad twin, Uncle Sourpuss.

Reply from Kate: Good thing I'm married to Roman now, otherwise, I'd have to check out this new Von Leuschner. Wonder if he's as hot as Nicky Alamain?

Reply from Thomas: Is he going to live at the DiMansion?? I'm not sharing my room or my Nintendo Switch.

Reply from Holly: Me neither. He can sleep in Uncle Rolfie's old lab.

Reply from Charlotte: He better not touch my toys, especially my Auntie Megan and Auntie Kristen dolls.

Reply from Rachel: So???? I already hate him. Let him go play with that dingbat Chloe. Auntie Sami says she's an idiot who can't sing.

Reply from Steven Hawk: Why do you keep adding me to this stupid DiMera family Facebook group???
 
Reply from Johnny: What’s with this “von” stuff? Is he pretending to be bargain-basement German nobility?

Reply from Thomas: Yes, everyone knows that the real Vons were people like the Red Baron or Otto von Bismarck.

Reply from Charlotte: I’ll bet his family isn’t even from Germany.

Reply from Holly: That’s so true. They’re probably from the wrong side of the tracks in West Salem or Mammoth Falls.

Reply from Sydney: One thing for sure — his mother is one major weirdo. Vanishing for decades and then expecting Dad to put her up in our family mansion.

Reply from Johnny: Dad should have given her a sleeping bag and directions to Salem Park.

Reply from Eric: Kids, ordinarily, I’d say show some Christian charity, but Megan and her pervert son are beyond the pale. By the way, if you want to use big words to insult them, check with my new true love, Sloan.

Reply from Sami: Eric’s in love again? :rotfl:
 
DrBakerFan said:
Reply from Johnny: Dad should have given her a sleeping bag and directions to Salem Park.
Click to expand...
Reply from Percy: Greetings DiMeras! Please do all you can to keep that awful woman away from my little friends, the birds.

Reply from the birds: If Megan intrudes into our nesting areas, it will be that Alfred Hitchcock movie come to life.

Reply from the Smith Island raccoons: If that wretched creature steps off the ferry, things will get real ugly real fast.

Reply from the Forest Preserve Bear: If that horrible Megan intrudes into my territory, Salem County will have its first bear-related fatality since the 19th century.
 
Facebook post from Nicole's baby: Ugh, I just found people are referring to me as Biscuit Baby. What kind of nickname is that??

Reply from Tate: Not as bad as Tater Tot.

Reply from Parker: Some people called me Silent Bob when I was little.

Reply from Allie: Nobody even remembered my name. It was always "Johnny and the other one".

Reply from Melanie: How do you think I liked being called Li'l Toddler Mel???

Reply from Ghost Daniel: What about me? They still refer to me as Dr. Horndog.

Reply from Eric: I'm tired of being called Sami's Bad Twin, Fallen Father Eric or Sourpuss.

Reply from Sami: Hey, you think I like people calling me the Salem Screecher when everybody knows I'm not only truly radiant, but Salem's best mother ever??

Reply from Hope: Speaking of, would you please stop calling me Old Granny Hope??

Reply from Kate: Yeah, and stop call me the Old Hag.

Reply from John: Hey kid, I get referred to as the Stoopid Life-Ruining Doodyhead or Coma King, and occasionally, RoJohn. That's a fact.

Reply from Jennifer: Just because I tend to run a bit warm, I got saddled with Sleeveless Jenny.

Reply from Ghost Timothy Robicheaux: I don't care for being called Yo-Daddy.

Reply from Ghost Summer: I don't like being called the Psycho Mermaid either.

Reply from Roman: Sometimes people call me Chris Kositchek.

Reply from Wayne Nothrop: Better than Original Recipe Roman.

Reply from Stefan: Or being called Zero.

Reply from Doll-in-Blanket: at least you all have real names.
 
Reply from Charlie Dale: I’m lucky to have Xander keeping my name alive. He often says: “Bloody hell Charlie, these Salem people are tough to deal with.”

Reply from Nick Fallon. Thanks to Julie for still singing my praises. Luckily, she doesn’t believe the story about me working for Satan.

Reply from Dad Brady: People have to remember me. They’re always in my Pub.

Reply: from Caroline: Thanks to my fine boy, Roman, for making sure nobody forgets me. He’s always saying Ma this or Ma that.

Reply from Tom and Alice: We’re fortunate. We’re better known than most living Salemites.

Reply from Stefano: Me too.
 
Reply from Dancing Woman: Ha! Nobody even knew my name, but everybody remembers me!

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