What if.....

Poirot

Poirot

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I would like each of you to think about this PERSONALLY. Not Jen, Eve, JJ, Paige. But YOU personally.

Your 19-20 yr. old son is dating a girl who he cares about a great deal. Suddenly, HE breaks it off, no explanation, but he is withdrawn unhappy, etc. And then you find out he has been having sex, multiple times with the girl's mother.

YOUR daughter is dating a young fellow, who had been in trouble with the law when he was younger, but has really cleaned up his act. You feel that this relationship is detrimental to your daughter, preventing her from reaching her potential, and thus want to put a stop to it. However, you find both you and the young fellow have a mutual interest, something that is dear to both of you, and your attitude towards him softens.
You are determined to project a negative image of this young fellow to your daughter to force a breakup.
And despite you best intentions, find yourself somehow attracted to the young fellow.

So.......what do you do...each scenario.
 
Speaking for myself.......in the first case.....I love my son, truly I do, But this is not healthy. I think I would tell the girlfriend. ...Her mother has betrayed her, she cannot trust either her, or my son. But if I really liked that girl, I think I would tell her.

In #2.........while I would enjoy being friends with the young guy, that is all it would be. However, my first priority would be my daughter, and if I felt the guy was bad for her, I would try to convince her verbally of this.

And yes, it doesn't always work. Am remembering a couple of things as I was writing this.
 
Just Samantha said:
In this scenario, I'd want to have a daughter old enough to date Rafe Hernandez....so I could lead him down a path of sin...repeatedly!!
Click to expand...


:rotfl::rotfl:

As for me...in scenario # 1, I'd be very upset and disappointed, but I would NOT keep bugging my child about the breakup, etc. I'd let my son know I was there if he wanted to talk, but I wouldn't push. But yes, there'd be a requirement of going to some therapy sessions for a while after walking in on a romp...for him and me both! I don't EVER want to see my kids in the sack with someone else!!!

In scenario # 2...nope, would never happen. Like Poirot, I'd have no problem befriending a much younger man, but could never see myself dating one. I either see myself with a guy my age or older (though not TOO much older).

And obviously, I'm thinking about myself when I'm in my 30s or older.
 
1. I would be very upset because the girl's mother should know better as the elder in the situation. A 19-20 year old is not fully mature yet. Coincidentally, a former friend of mine who was in her 60s at the time did something very similar a couple years back. She started secretly seeing a younger, very immature though adult guy. It was the catalyst for ending our friendship.

2. If the guy were truly bad news, I'd be concerned and would do everything in my power to get her away from him. However, in the case of Days, I think Eve's initial hatred of JJ had more to do with his mother than his past.
 
#1. I would ask him to talk to me when he's ready. (Then again I'd not leave my child to be raised in a boarding school in another country, but hey....) In the meantime, I'd live & let live.

#2. I would step away from the situation, recognising the attraction to be unhealthy at the time. I would also make sure that any meetings were fully in public because whether I was right or wrong about the boyfriend, I would not want to be the catalyst for "bad" behaviour. (I would also ask him to button up his shirt fully at all times.)
 
Scenario 1) I would take my son straight to a therapist and make him figure out what would cause him to do such a horrible thing.

Scenario 2) While I can appreciate the looks of some young men, I realize that they are young and immature at 19-20 years old (having 3 step-sons who are very near to this age range), and cannot imagine being attracted to them enough to want to do anything with them. I also can't see myself meddling in my child's relationship, I know from experience that the more a parent pushes a child to dump a boyfriend/girlfriend the more they will cling to said person and fight to defend them, instead I would try to be polite and possibly befriend the trouble maker to see if maybe they just need more adult support and understanding.
 
scenario #1 I'd puke. seriously. my child having sex with a woman I don't like...who happens to be the mother of the girl my child claims to love. He's a grown man and can do what he wants, but I would feel betrayed and deeply disappointed in the way he is expressing himself. I'd also talk to him about going to a sex addiction rehab center. really? your girlfriend's mom? and the person that tried to take your father's earnings? really? I mean I wouldn't go all stalker crazy like Jen...but ....
really-amy-poehler.gif


scenario #2. I repeat. REALLY?! No matter how old my child is, be it 2, 32, or 52, she will always be my baby. And I see her friends as babies too. I couldn't imagine being attracted to any of them. It's one thing to be attracted to a younger person...but when this person is friends with or boyfriend of your child.... I mean I can say, "that's a nice lookin' fella"...but he's still a child to me. ew! I mean REALLY?! I can't really imagine how I would handle it if my daughter was dating someone I didn't approve of- but I certainly will promise you I wouldn't find myself attracted to this person.
 
In both cases a shrieking flip out confrontation will have no good outcome.

If it were my son I'd tell him get his clothes on. Then I'd probably tell her she was disgusting and then tell my son that we need to talk but when we both aren't in complete shock because I love him and I'm there for him. Then I'd do my best to listen. My kids know that listening goes both ways and they will have to listen to me as well as I do my best to be as levelheaded as possible.

Now as for my daughter. She at 18 met a guy and fell head over heels. A month later she graduated from high school and decided to move out, let alone the last year all she did was prepare for college and was set to go. I was *bleep* but I did not blow my top. I told her that at 18 it was her decision to make. I told her that meant she was giving up going to the university because she was going to support herself. She wasn't going to take the car we bought her so she could go to college. I think I let her keep her phone since they had no landline. I told her that if they were meant to be they would work out and if they weren't she could come home whenever she wanted to. Four months later she came home and got re-enrolled in the university. Obviously anything with the guy wasn't even a part of the situation since I've been married to her daddy happily for 25 years.

Oh and while we were preparing her for college during that last year of high school we had many conversations. One was about finding a man that was worthy of her. I told her that her dreams had to become a part of his dreams and his dreams couldn't be less than hers. She needs a man with ambition who values hers as well.
 
I have boys and one of them had a delightful history of really horrible lady companion choices (hookers/drug addicts/untreated bi-polar). The only thing I ever did was let him know that I'd always love him and that this one wasn't welcome at MY house.

At one time during his phase he went through, I had a roommate who cooked and cleaned house in lieu of rent. She drank hard liquor and smoked 2+ packs of cigarettes a day. She set her sites on this child o'mine when she'd be angry with me, figuring she'd get back at me.

I told him it was his choice but did he really want "it" that bad???? He finally figured out what "I was looking for in a daughter in law" wasn't really a bad choice. Those girls were welcome, one even worked out and I have two wonderful grandsons now. The other two dabbled in some odd choices. But I tried to remain calm and remember it was after all their life they were living.

As for the daughter side of things, I have no experience. Young boys are cool, but not in that way.

I'd never resort to the sort of behavior displayed on this show, by either supposed adult.

PS: I kicked the roommate out and sent her home to her parents.
 
1. I had one son, who would have trailed behind me and told me his troubles. I would have listened and told him to do what he had to do. (I did)

2. If the guy came from a good family ala JJ, I would have told her to go slow and see if he had really changed.

3. Never in all my born days would I go around confronting the other mother and raising all the cane these two have.
 
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